Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
