I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
