Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
