yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so let's talk penis.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
