you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
