i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
