he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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