Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
