could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
