You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
