he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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