I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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