I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
