I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
