So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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