i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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