You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
