shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
