when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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