my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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