In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
