your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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