sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
