Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
