I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
