btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
