no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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