any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
