His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
