so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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