I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
