There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
