the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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