Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
