we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
