Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
