So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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