why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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