I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
