I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
