I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You ruined the universe
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
