Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the day after is always just damage control
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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