Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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