she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
