he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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