its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
