Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
