so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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