Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
