I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
