I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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