Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
