he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
